30 May 2008

Fly UB Air

This is an expansion of the story that was first published by those nice people at Travel Weekly. So freely adapting their article by Lester Craft here goes
This is the new flight menu for a carrier in organization formed by some of the industries heavyweights. Rumour has it that this is the business model for Delwest Air

Code name UB Air for Unbundled Airways. Herewith the airlines’ pricing charges:
What do you get for your ticket.
• An electronic ticket.
• The right to change your ticket for a fee
• The right to cancel and pay the airline for the priveledge (unless you die in which case a partial refund less fees) will be allowed.
• The right to be charged taxes
• The right to be charged fees
• The right to board the aircraft
• The right to leave the aircraft
• Baggage $25 first bag, and it doubles for each additional bag. No limit except for weight which is pegged at 15 kilos
• Frequent Flyer miles, $100 extra.
• Seats, $100 extra. A few years back, it was rumored that airlines were developing "standing-room-only" configurations. Well, now's the time to make sitting a valuable add-on.
• Arm rests, $15 each.
• Leg room
• Delwest will deploy the new version of its international coach configuration which will be “fixed recliners” your seat is actually a leaning position
• Standing up or changing your position is only allowed with the permission of the Flight Attendant and your handing over of a $5 prepaid chip).
• Leg room, sold in 1-inch increments at $20 an inch. Very lucrative, especially since there is zero leg room currently and everyone would have to purchase at least an inch or two.
• Under-seat storage, $10. Enforced by a little panel with a built-in card swipe. And it's worth pointing out that this is not just about storage. Airlines in fact have long missed out on a chance to promote the fact that they actually offer passengers foot room as well as leg room. Imposing an upcharge could help call attention to this important but overlooked convenience.
• Charging by the pound (as in passenger weight). For example, "New York to Los Angeles, only $1.99 a pound!" This is especially important as the mass of travelers increases in direct proportion to their weight. Unlike freight that tends to bulk out before it weights out, passengers will be charged by gross weight. The Southwest hidden “People” sizewize will be adopted for the new airline.
• Fold-down trays, a dollar a minute. But why stop there? Clean trays are extra at $25 premium.
• Use of an overhead bin, $10. A bargain compared with checking those extra bags.
• Toilets are a steal at 50 cents. Coin-operated, of course, but they also accept most major credit cards.

Delwest’s innovative pricing model will be introduced as soon as their reservation system is upgraded to take all these new enhanced services. Each will appear on your invoice as PLC, Passenger Luxury items


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