14 January 2010

The Professor Sabena Security Solution

Oh Best Beloved

I have decided to give the world the benefit of my wisdom on the subject of security. This is a tiresome subject and we need to bite the bullet and provide a solution that cannot be beaten.

I have commented on body scanners. However I recently had a briefing on the cost of these things. Man they are not cheap. For a medical scanner which has a fully loaded and then some cost attached to it the commercial cost of a scan is $600-$3000. Let's say its a cool grand a pop. So we can safely assume that the body scan is AT LEAST the commercial cost (this is the Government after all. And further that there are about 750 million US travellers. So that means the cost to provide scanning is 750 Billion per year. (Remember this is for scanning alone).

So I have a better idea. Lets all travel naked. Let's face it we all undress in front of each other every day when we travel. I think this has distinct advantages.

1. No further need for those embarassing pat downs - that should reduce the number of TSA employees by about 50%.
2. Further as there will no longer need for a sex offender check for TSA employees it will reduce the cost of certifying each TSA employee by a significant amount. True the current certification process might still let through other offender types but this is a cost saving.
3. There will be a significant saving in latex gloves which is both cheaper and better for the environment.
3. We can simply the scanners required.
4. Only cavity searches as a secondary search criteria will be require. Since more will be possible - the cost per cavity per search will also fall.
5. The airlines will be required to provide hygienic seats which will improve the quality of air travel.
6. Being naked will reduce the inhibitions between passengers who will now be able to talk freely between each other which will reduce the need for expensive In Flight Entertainment systems (IFE) which in turn will reduce reduce payload weight(along with the nearly one ton of clothing each plane carries each trip) thus saving the planet and reducing our dependence on foreign oil
7. Flight attendants will be happy because they dont have to worry about keeping passengers in line.

So I think you can see the Professors idea is a really good one. So if you like it - its my idea alone. If you hate it then its not really my idea but that of the American Association for Nude Recreation for whom this post is a public service. With special thanks to the Dutch Blog And Then Some For the opportunity to bring this to your attention.

Thank you for your attention.

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