31 December 2011

The Professor's 2012 Wish List

OK so you have had my predictions and my Grinch list. I have even done my top 10 secular holiday season songs. 

Now what would I REALLY like to see happen in 2012? I have reached into my file of things that I really want to change. I want to solve world peace but don't have the time or the temerity to deal with this. But I do have a few ideas. So here is my list of changes I want to see implemented in 2012.

  1. The Cookie Tax – the ultimate solution to equitable wealth redistribution. Facebook, Google and Apple (as well as just about everyone else) get hit with a Cookie tax. For every cookie loaded the cookie placer has to pay a tax of 5 cents per cookie. The Cookie tax can be avoided if the provider gets a cookie free certificate. This would certify that the company does not use Cookies.
  2. Ending Abuse of Surveys. Survey Monkey (and all survey questions) comes with a university or college degree in how to ask questions. No one can use Survey Monkey without a degree in Applied Research or Statistics. Websites are allowed to ask one survey a year. If they want to do more they have to pay their users $10 per survey completed.
  3.  A “Do Not Abuse My Data” Registry. This enables you as a consumer to register the company that you do not want them to control or use your data in any way other than for the company itself you signed up with. IE no advertisers can share or use the data. Also the registry will tell you HOW you can see all the data that any company has on you. All breaches are punishable by death or $1 billion per instance whichever is less convenient for the company concerned.
  4. A control spam application. This is a freely available app that lets me choose who sends things to my email. Anyone caught abusing this is liable for a life time of being hung upside down from the Space Needle in Seattle.
  5. Fixed price mobile phone service. No advertising – a public utility service – that can be provided by any player with no long distance changes, no caps on data and no caps on text or call minutes. All for less than $50 per month. A surcharge of $20 per month for international roaming.
  6. Guaranteed QoS service mark that can be appended to any online or offline service. If the QoS metrics are breeched then the provider has to refund any service fees attached to it. For example if you have to pay for a bag and it arrives damaged or late you pay a fine.
  7. The Guaranteed Service bundle. Every provider of a service is required to offer a full bundled service offering (as well as the unbundled pricing). For example an airline would be required to offer a bundled fare not to exceed the lowest fare by 50% which allows me to select a seat (other than middle ones please) check a bag and get from A to B without paying anything else.
  8. Revised Do Not Call Registry. A true “Do not call”  registry that includes – “thanking me for my service”, political ads, robo calls of any time, charitable causes and annoying neighbours who are bored. As part of this service the true name and contact details for the person calling you will be displayed or available after the call to you.
  9. The anti Bovine Law. Regulation that says any airline that exceeds 80% load factor must provide extra flights until the numbers reach 80% again. Same for hotels etc etc.
  10.  A new Bill of Rights. A new United Nations citizen charter of rights. This includes banning of all lies by politicians. A pain tax – however much pain is inflicted by the politicians on their electorate they have to pay out of their own pocket this includes banning all influence peddling. Enforcing existing anti-competitive regulations etc etc. … there are many more like this!
With that I wish you an excellent 2012. If you like this spread the word and share with your friends (and enemies alike). Send to your favourite politician. There are a few others I would like to see. Like breaking up of Google but that will keep for another day.

Peace, Love and Understanding


The Professor. 

25 December 2011

The New Top 10 Secular Season Songs

Since we are not allowed to use the "C" word in our new politically correct world, a whole new crop of seasonal songs have come out. Adapting classic favorites and launching Yuletide cheer for all Geeks and their families everywhere
White FacebookMark “Bing” Zuckerberg
The perrenial favorite from the movie of the same name

The Google SongThe Acolytes
The lovable rascal animated characters in their season stomping romp.
Rudolph, the Windows 8 Reindeer – Steve Gene Balmer
A newcomer to the chart, Steve's song delights children everywhere

I saw Mommy kissing Larry EllisonWeird Al Yankovic
While the thought might be repugnant to many - Weird Al makes it feel oh so PC.

The Timeline SongTime’s Awasting
Another newcomer to the chart, Nat Zuch Cole's old favorite replaces many useless songs.

Googleplex RockSergey and Larry
Those real hipsters Sergey and Larry deck the halls

Snoopy’s iPod (soon to be re-released as Snoopy’s iPhone) - Steve Jobs
Sadly Steve did not live to see his own creation become a timeless season's classic
Here Come’s iPad ClawsTim Cook and the SFGMC
This not terribly dynamic song just creeps up and grips you
Little Mapper BoyVisteon vs Garmin
Two warring factions put aside their differences and tell a solid tale in song

Rockin’ Around The HP TreeMeg “Brenda” Whitman
The base maybe a little shakey but Meg and the boys are putting on a revival.

And to all - a GOOD NIGHT

Happy Holidays!

Thanks to Jay Allbritton for his image.