Why Can't We Create a Self Ironing Shirt?

....And other questions of the universe have been troubling me for some time. In my head there are questions that never get answered and ones that are almost always there to be slowly chipped away.

One of the key questions I ask myself is do we have good data to make decisions. Those who read the Professor on a regular basis know that I have this progression of data to power.

Data--> Information --> Knowledge --> Power.

One of the critical issues facing our society is the overload of data. How do we create ways for us to comprehend all the data available.
How much of it is useless?
How much of it can be inferred?
How much is qualitatively good?

As lately I have been looking at different ways to refine the process of getting at the relevant information this makes me think about search - I keep coming back to the data driven pure objective search all the way through to the highly subjective desirable results. Search remains a thoroughly unfulfilled experience today. Both in the B2B environment and of course the B2C web based environment. And I doubt highly that Google will make it - sufficiently - better when they acquire ITA as they surely will be able to.

I have no answer - I am thinking about search a lot. Fortunately the Shirt problem is not urgent. The search to the better result however is very urgent. And it is a critical matter.

Cheers

Lies, Damn Lies and then there are Fees...

I think we all know what it is like to be lied to. Politicians lie. Pressure groups lie. Advertisements lie.

So it is somewhat bad that respectable organizations such as ASTA align themselves with other organisms that are not telling the truth.

So here is the headline from BTC:


MORE THAN 50,000 TRAVELERS TELL THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION THEY ARE “MAD AS HELL!” ABOUT HIDDEN AIRLINE FEES

Consumer and Travel Groups Deliver Petition Signatures to DOT on “Mad As Hell Day!” in Support of Secretary LaHood’s Efforts to Require Airline Fee Transparency.

Er... excuse me that is actually a lie.

As I noted yesterday the issue of airline fees is but a small part of a far broader rule making input that the DoT is requesting. Further transparency of airline fees is no better - but definitely no worse than the issue of say special fee conditions that a travel agency has to live with.

While I don't personally like fees - they are here to stay. I am one of the 50,000 people who signed the petition but I was very clear that I was signing the petition for a reason to state that I supported the right of the airlines to charge the fees.

Further I also made it clear in both my submission to BTC and the coalition as well as the DoT itself that the mechanism of making the airline fees "transparent" as advocated by the Coalition was itself highly misguided. IE that making the fees transparent via the GDS channel would create a burden on everyone that was unnecessary. IE the airlines would have to do extra work and the agencies would have to do extra work and the consumer would not be any better off.

Forcing such a process would make every airline rule and regulation required in each GDS. Something that is a backward step - 15 years ago before the internet became so important to our society - yes. Today no.

So I do hope that some people will stop with the misrepresentation and the lies. Also the coalition should stop hiding its intentions and be very clear that it is against fees. Wait... isn't that what it says? Mad as hell about airline fees...

Read the fine print my friends and then decide if you want the government deep in regulating the distribution of airline products. Heck why not re-regulate the industry and re-award mail contracts.

.... BASTA as the retiring DG of IATA says. Let's not waste the government's time for something that is already more than adequately in place.

I really do wish the coalition would stop rubbishing the hard work that agents on the line do. But then I guess the real little people don't matter when you are trying to get media attention.

Cheers

Airport Delays? What Airport Delays?

So the great debate can finally be put to bed....

Yes the Tarmac rule was successful. Last month a total of 3 delays. Of course some people are cheating but still the performance during the busy August travel time was a marked improvement.So now airports will be wonderfully quiet places as people will be flying not waiting.

Further this topic of delays is also being beefed up with more regulation. And this leads me onto the other point... The issue of airline ancillary service fees.

This is likely to embolden the Anti-Fee brigade. But caution. The characterization that the Proposed NPRM is all about fee disclosure is out and out wrong.

Contrast the two statements:

This is from BTC:(Today's email blast from Radnor)

The U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) is accepting industry comments until September 23 on a Notice of Proposed Rule Making (NPRM). DOT is asking for comments on whether airlines should be required to make ancillary fee information available in a timely manner to travel agencies and travel management companies.

This is from the Official DOT Proposed Rule Making

The areas specifically stated in the NPRM.....

mentioned as being under consideration were as follows:
(1) DOT review and approval of contingency plans for lengthy tarmac delays ;
(2) reporting of tarmac delay data;
(3) standards for customer service plans;
(4) notification to passengers of flight status changes;
(5) inflation adjustment for denied boarding compensation;
(6) alternative transportation for passengers on canceled flights;
(7) opt-out provisions where certain optional services are pre-selected for consumers at an additional cost (e.g., travel insurance, seat selection);
(8) contract of carriage venue designation provisions;
(9) baggage fees disclosure;
(10) full fare advertising; and
(11) responses to complaints about charter service.

So in fact the wording of the comment period almost excludes the generalized comment on fees. It only specifically allows the addressing of baggage fees (Article 9) disclosure.

For a full view of all the documentation and the right place to comment go here:

http://www.regulations.gov/search/Regs/home.html#docketDetail?R=DOT-OST-2010-0140

Cheers

Expedia Rating Cut on Google Fears

Today I almost feel like a regular journalist - the headline was pure Newspaper.

However the issue is that one of the leading Internet Stock Analysts Marianne Wolk at Susquehanna Financial cut her rating for Expedia on the fears of Google entering the Travel eCommerce arena. You can read about her here.

Adding the OTAs to the mix of people threatened by the Google ITA acquisition now makes clearly two. The Meta Search companies and the OTAs.

In my view - there are two more - the suppliers particularly US airlines and the GDSs who are faced with disintermediation.

As you travel around speaking to industry heads - I find this is not something that is well understood as yet but as more people think about the individual impact - no matter how Google spins it - this is a major shift in the balance of power in Travel Distribution.

In my view that represents a major threat to a large number of players. And this is now only becoming clear to them.

If you are further interested - please feel free to contact me ProfessorSabena@gmail.com - notice the irony of the use of Google's mail.

Cheers

Has America Turned Socialist?

Americans love conspiracy theories.

The emergence of the Tea Party as an anti-government movement is a trend that will worry some but delight others.

But in reality has America turned socialist and its organizations fallen to Socialism?

The answer of course is that insanity reigns and yes America has become far too Socialist for anyone's sanity. The Socialism I am speaking about of course is Social Media. The adoption thereof has become insane.

Consider now that everyone is on Twitter. Exactly how much time would we be on the darn thing to be productive. Twitter is the ultimate time waster. It has value in selective occasions and occasionally I tweet but only when I have something to say. for the Faithful who read this blog - it seems there are now quite a few of you - it has to worry you as to the volume of stuff you are reading all the time.

If you read the true definition - well at least the Social Media version - aka Wikipedia - then it can apply in a perverted way to the use of Social Media: Socialism is an economic and political theory advocating public or common ownership and cooperative management of the means of production and allocation of resources.

In my view we are reaching a point of diminishing returns on Social Media. But it is still growing. Recent articles have started to question things such as privacy and the one big bugbear I have which is VOLUME.

Infoworld's Columnist has a great one on this:

http://www.infoworld.com/d/adventures-in-it/have-we-hit-social-media-overload-802?source=IFWNLE_nlt_notes_2010-09-20

It poses the same question in a humorous way. But the volume is no laughing matter. STOP!!!

I for one am getting off some of the insanity.

And thanks to Cowbell A Rays Blog for the image.

The Quick & The Dead - Who Cares About Anything Else?

When it comes to websites - if you want to show how good you are don't dwell on the issue of delight. Give the ADD SOBs who visit what they want and fast.

Of late - I have been experimenting with websites. What happened to 3 clicks to booking. I am tracking an average of 20 clicks from opening site to a decision point.

Gerry McGovern picked on the recent study in HBR - which is to be highly recommended reading.

http://hbr.org/2010/07/stop-trying-to-delight-your-customers/ar/1

In my view we are now going to have to deal with speed as a major issue. Gosh it has been years since we had to worry about dogs (ie r e a l l y slow) such as AOL browsers. Now we going to be concerned with an expectation from the user community that travel results will be instant.

And this creates a problem for all of us... except Google. Consider this. If big bad G has cached avails on most airlines then he can serve that up as instant results to a user using free text entries. Everyone else will be at least a click away. Google therefore WILL have an unfair advantage over everyone else in air search.

Think about that....

And the reference to Quick and the Dead (in this case meaning everyone else but Google - check out the biblical reference).Does this give Google a god like quality. Perhaps that is why they chose G as the initial for their name.



The phrase is part of a passage in King James version of the First Epistle of Peter (a book in the Bible) which reads
For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries: Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.
1 Peter 4:3-5

Panasonic updates on their technology and philosophy

Panasonic's Neil James describes how the company focus has evolved regarding connectivity and its embrace of more open standards. For industry insiders, this change in approach is revolutionary. The new thinking was matched with real creativity in new products and future thinking demonstrated at the event.

The Googlesphere Is Already Googleopoly

I have written in the past about the nature of Google and how I believe Google is incapable of living up to its stated goal of "Do No Evil."

Much of this is based on my observation of behaviour of the juggernaut. Having worked at a company previously labelled a "monopoly" - aka Microsoft, I believe I can put my views in context that is meaningful.

I am particularly worried by the Google/Verizon view of the future two tier web. The issue of the proposed ITA acquisition allows us to examine Google's behaviour and motivation.

Professor HB sent me a link to a discussion which is one of the more scholarly assessments of Google's behaviour. There is a lot of data you can find at The Googleopoly Site. I encourage you to spend some time looking at it

In particular download this presentation.

What is perhaps the most worrisome is that in every sector where Google has staked a claim it is either the dominant force or the major influencer.

The accepted notion of what constitutes a monopoly in both US Law (The Sherman Act) and European Community Law (Article 102) is as follows:

"A monopoly power is defined as the ability of a business to control a price within its relevant product market or its geographic market or to exclude a competitor from doing business within its relevant product market or geographic market. It is only necessary to prove the business had the "power" to raise prices or exclude competitors. The plaintiff does not need to prove that prices were actually raised or that competitors were actually excluded from the market.

Today, a general definition of a monopoly is where nearly all of one product type or service is owned by one person or group of people within a community or area. Thereby, the sole control of this product or service is given to one party to the elimination of all others within the marketplace."



Note that I am NOT a Lawyer and if someone seeks to take the issue further then I strongly suggest that that you should contact a professional attorney or law firm.

Google's perspective on domination was interesting in looking at the way Google acted in withdrawing from a product area. When it canned Google Wave - it freely admitted that despite reaching more than one million users that was not enough.

Thus for Google only domination is good enough. That my friends is a far cry from "do No Evil" - indeed my view is that sadly Google has forgotten how to do good.

What can be done - or what can Google do about it?

I believe the company should be split up. A breakup is the only effective way of curbing their domination. Our universal dependence on the Internet and Google's domination of the web give them unprecedented power to destroy and do evil.

My previous views can be seen here is several key posts.

http://t2impact.blogspot.com/2010/08/wsj-gets-its-headline-wrong-google.html
http://t2impact.blogspot.com/2010/08/google-on-future-will-it-all-be-good-in.html

Illustrations are Slides 8 and 27 from the Googleopoly VI presentation noted above.

Governments And Commerce.... Never a Good Combination - Terrible in Some Cases

The whole idea of improved security it designed to make the world an easier place for all travellers. In recent times this has resulted in a backup at the airport security which makes travel a far less pleasant place. By forcing everyone through the same pipe - you mix frequent travellers with newbies.

While everyone accepts the need for additional security screening - there has to be a better way of processing people than treating everyone the same way. There are several programs that support biometric scanners to allow a person who has submitted themselves to an external screening check to use the process.

The US program - called Global Entry - is not bad. improves the flow into the USA.

However their first partnership outside the USA is with the Dutch Privium Service called FLUX - which probably stands for something very bad and smelly... the poor passenger has to pay again through the nose for the service. Now they want 264 Euros.

Not exactly a great deal for saving a few mins at the security gate.

If only they could make it free or of higher value.

Oh I forgot this is the government we are talking about...

You have been warned - its not worth it. And judging by the deserted Privium lounge at Schiphol - the careful Dutch don't rate it either.

Cheers

WN WiFi... yes there are some planes flying

Yup that bulge is the WiFi from Row 44

Cheers

Airline Fees - Real Or Perceived Problem

I love to say that one should be very careful about wishing and wanting something. Be careful what you actually wish for because when it comes true - it might not be what you thought is was.... it reminds me of the 2009 Movie, where a preposterous proposition made for great comedy.

So it would seem is the case of the the pressure groups are are demanding action on the issue of "hidden" fees.

Let's distill the problem.

No one is disputing the airlines' right to charge fees. (Actually that is not true - many would like the airlines not to charge fees. And indeed if you ask anyone the loaded question "do you like fees" you know exactly the answer you are going to get.)

However there is a considerable pressure on the disclosure process of fees. Luddites don't like change.

But in this case they want to have everything delivered in the same manner as the traditional fares and pricing, despite the standard way of notification.

If I may QUOTE from the latest missive from BTC:

"If DOT issues a rule requiring airlines to submit data to travel intermediaries, the vast majority of problems emanating from ancillary fees would be fixed straightaway. Without the rule, we are facing perhaps years of inefficiency and untold attendant damage to managed travel programs. The ATPCO OC fare filing and ARC/BSP EMD processes that would put these fees into the marketplace and facilitate payment have been successfully tested by some 26 airlines and 3 distribution systems and are ready to go."

Not so fast hot shot. The Airlines already provide this information. The issue is NOT one of information provided it is of the execution of the information that is the issue.

Actually there are a number of issues. How do you display in the standard methodology of an agent's workflow the fees? How are they calculated and managed. These are not trivial matters. Having sat and used a GDS screen for more than 30 years I can tell you the amount of complexity is mind blowing to the average consumer. This is why there are so few good travel agents around. Also the technology to easily integrate is not trivial.

If it was just a question of providing the information for the GDSs to implement then this whole issue would be a non-event because they would have done it by bow!

Ancillary services delivered down the standard GDS pipe are NOT easy and the GDSs are having a hard time with it - EVERYONE is. Indeed I don't want anyone to think I am against the GDSs displaying the data - far from it - we all WANT them to do it. But forcing the airlines to disclose in a singular and homogenized fashion is not the answer.

So I say this - let the airlines and the agents do their job. If the GDSs are having a hard time getting to display things in the manner that the airlines want - then let them fix that with the airlines.

Raising the spectre of hidden fees at the airport is politely a load of Bull. The information is highly transparent and available everywhere. In exactly the same manner that the Airlines communicate with their travel agents and the GDSs do the same. The Web and the GDSs are complimentary. This has been the case for years.

Forcing everyone to use a GDSs to get their data - which seems to be the driving force of the Coalition against fees and BTC in particular - would seem to be self serving. What about all the other people who don't choose to use a GDS or an airline website? Are we now saying that this is the only way?

That hardly sounds like the American way.

So if the coalition really wants to prove their point - let them sit down with a Travel Agent and look at all the current complexity of work that an agent does. And where the agent goes for information. And what she/he does to address the challenges of dynamic product changes that are a hallmark of our business.

THEN if they truly feel that the agent is hard done by - perhaps then the Coalition should consider if the forcing of maximum disclosure actually makes a process harder rather than easier for the poor agent on the line that has to implement and do the work.

I doubt that anyone in the coalition has actually bothered to check this with an agent on the line - so perhaps those that are objecting should look inwards rather than trying to find a scapegoat.

Or perhaps the Coalition likes to stare at goats in order to make them fall down.

Cheers

Sunday Humour - Caution Frivolity Zone

Professor Eric sends me occasionally some interesting plays on words. As a Brit by birth - I love puns and word plays.

So here is his latest missive. These are just funny. For Americans this is where Yogi Berra used to shine. One of his more famous quotes was "The future sure ain't what it used to be".

So read and enjoy... cheers

Subject: A Paraprosdokian
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. Some examples:

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said “Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit, the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

with a top of the hat to Chris Kavas for the really bad image pun

Discipline Discipline - Key To Profitability

For veteran watchers of the airline business - the latest round of statistics from the US market which makes up the largest source market of travel - must be encouraging and even surprising.

The Professor has been digging into some detailed statistics evaluating the first half financials of the airlines and looking carefully at core data.

Airlines are on a roll and look like they are able to smooth out if not break the cycle of boom to bust.

Let's start with the boom. Almost all airlines have been sounding restrained in their comments regarding the state of their businesses. The common threads are as follows:

1. No double dip in the recession but dont expect a miraculous rise in traffic - this recovery is still very fragile.
2. No big advance in sales - with a few exceptions and across the board the traffic boost in first half of 2010 has been very slight perhaps a 1-2% advance in traffic (ATW says ASMs were flat but RPMs were up 1.6%).
3. with the exception of Southwest all airlines reported significant increase in Ancillary Revenues particularly bags and seats. Southwest while protesting that it is not implementing that it is doing fine without ancillaries is also reporting a significant uptick in its Business product sales which of course is - er - a bundled ancillary package.
4. International flights are reporting a mixed bag. Transatlantic was flat - Asia Pac is up and of course the smaller but growing Latam markets are continuing their 4th year of growth.

Seperate from the airlines reports I have been trying to match how the advance purchase as represented by ARC sales and the airlines flown passengers match up. Here we see something interesting. The market has moved out to a less advance purchase model. People are buying later. And paying for it....

Air travel costs soared from April onwards which caused the growth to slow but eventually the airlines only discounted a few of their total capacity seats and those discounts were relatively minor.

This means we are in for a bumper crop of airline Q3 results. The GDSs can also feel happy because as they continue their unbundling of their product their yields will rise.

What of the future?

The pressure is off the airline vs GDS battle - but its going to heat up again towards the end of the year. All eyes should be on the New United. Currently tied up in their fast track merger, once the dust settles - they must start to evaluate their distribution. Delta too must be thinking along the same lines. with #3 AA already making its moves - the other two cannot sit on their hands on this one.

And here now sits the conundrum of where the market will go. With the big 3 airlines occupying the space where the big 5 used to be - (and dont forget that WN has far less dependency on GDSs leaving only US and AS as in truth needing the GDS service), someone one day is going to wake up and say - wait a minute why am I paying for distribution when I own so much of the market.... and my occupancy levels are approaching max practical levels? There is that Abilene Paradox again...Discipline must move beyond the current capacity constraint across the airline infrastructure. With the added muscle that New United and New Delta have in the market, not taking advantage of this would be tantamount to admitting that airlines are still - less smart than we are giving them credit for. In the past it used to be an either or - Cojones or Brains. Why not both? Only time will tell who wins the next face off.

Cheers

Is Your Brand Better or Worse Off in a Social World?

Project Wander had a very interesting piece on a Twitter driven attack on Flight Centre.

Flight Centre fends off social media attacks

What is interesting is that there was little substance to the attack except for the use of an image of a tourist on an elephant. In that case then the same folks are likely to go after Meghan McCain (yes John’s daughter) for her book Dirty Sexy Politics

As Graham points out the Flight Centre social media team were on the case very quickly to thwart the attack.

So how do companies in general feel about the value or threat to their brands in a Social World? A good piece in eMarketer this week covered the issue nicely.


So be careful out there. The emergence of non-brands and the social based brands can have a profound effect on traditional and product based brands.

Yes you have been warned – you both need to think AND act on this one.

Cheers

This week’s …. A Few Thoughts - Voyeurism

This week the professor has started a round of rather long and extensive road trips that is going to keep me busy from now till Turkey Day (That’s Thanksgiving to those who are not familiar with American Pagan customs.) My thoughts have been turning to the amount of distraction. I am not sure if its just me but I am having a hard time engaging after the summer. Even though I have been back at full time work since the end of July – my work schedule generally becomes gets pretty busy come September rolls around. This year is no exception.

What seems to catch my eye is that I am eye distracted. I am not sure if I what is going on but I find my eyes wandering to everywhere except where they need to be.

I call this problem - Voyeurism – staring at the screen and all its distractions. So I have been just examining screens and come to the conclusion the efforts to monetize every inch of screen real estate is causing me ADD. I can imagine that it could be worse for other regular folks…

What do you think?


Photo Courtesy of Mr Pant

Boeing Goes Safe, Airbus goes...? Let's Ask Pratt And Whitney

Pratt & Whitney (US) President David Hess says Airbus and Boeing could make different decisions on whether or not to re-engine A320 and B737 respectively. This comes today when news reports are surfacing that Boeing is mulling 737NG+ instead of a 737RE. And this cuts to the heart of the difference between the aircraft designs. The 737 struggled to get the wide fans onboard. The newer A320 design already came with the wider chord engines as a baseline. So now for Boeing to RE with say one of P&Ws Power products then we are looking at a significant investment for the Chicago based planemaker.

So it just looks like the A320 which has been outselling its rival in recent years has greater legs.

I really feel that there is a great opportunity that Boeing has to drive a next gen solution rather than an upgrade.

Will they do it?

Nahhhhhhhhh they don't listen to me. So we are condemned to a lesser solution for another 10 years.

cheers

Google Launches Instant To Combat Charge Of Being Anti Green

The whisper campagn against Google's green credentials started a few years ago when a researcher doing his thesis stumbled on the idea of trying to figure out how much carbon is used in a Google search.

The Times of London and many other journals picked up the story and it went "viral" round the web last year. So there were some great headlines such as this one:

"Physicist Alex Wissner-Gross says that performing two Google searches uses up as much energy as boiling the kettle for a cup of tea"

However the Times was forced to post a correction on the exact nature of this story.

However ever since I read the story - it has fascinated me as to perhaps asking this fundamental question.

Is the use of the web actually good for the planet?

So with today's launch of Google Instant - perhaps we now know that Google wants to provide more information faster and its really quite impressive. We now get our crap results and junk faster.

Too bad the crap is still crap.

If only they would do something about the quality... then it would be a much more interesting debate.

Cheers

Farewell DC9s (at least the series 30)

So off they go into that great boneyard in the sky.

Delta is retiring its last DC9-30 series. The same size as the famous Flying Bunny.

Personally I hated them as being small and cramped... of course that was till I started flying on RJs....

Cheers old timer

"Dr Walsh? - Some Sick Patients to See You"

"Dr Walsh you have a Mr Gil Phaire, a Ms Mexi Cana and a rather regal looking Indian gentleman called Mr isher.

Which one would you like to see first?"

.... "Oh sorry - I didnt realize you were still on the phone... I will have them stand in the corner and wait - but its getting crowded in here. There is a very tall Swedish gentleman also outside - he says he desperately needs to talk to you first. I have to say he looks very thin

Cherio.... "

Hello! BA Here: We Want to Buy You...

"We don't have any money but we think you look attractive so lower your drawers and let us take you because we want to be the world's biggest airline and you should be pleased to become part of BA.

Hello?

Hello??

Hello???"


(Dial tone - fade to black....)