This is a true story. Some license has been taken to address keeping the identities private.
Me: Let me dial Cable company
Cable Company: Your call may be monitored or observed for quality assurance, customer service, ….
Me…(and any other asinine reason you can thing of….)
Cable: (…continuing) for faster service go to our website at www.cablereallysucks.com. Where you will find all the information you need….
Cable… stupid music
Cable (From the Philippines). Welcome to CableSux Co. We are really glad you have chosen us.
Me: I want your $55 dollar deal.
Cable: I am so sorry you are not eligible for that. But I can provide you with a $75 deal and discount that for $55 for 1 year.
Me: ????
Cable: Shall we proceed?
Me: Oh I guess so better than the other cable company www.cablefleecesitscustomersafter12months.com
Cable. OK – we will show up in 5 days and you can count on us being there.
Me: that sounds great.
Cable: Please fill out this form so we can transfer service.
Me: I will do that right away.
4 days pass.
Cable: (From USA) Hello and this is a recorded line to provide you with superior service…
Me: Hello
Cable: Well since you didn't fill out the form we cannot install tomorrow.
Me: I did.
Cable: Well that is not the information in front of me.
Me: Well can I send you a copy as proof?
Cable: No we cant take emails….
Me.. Oh FFS….
Cable: But I can give you a number to call to verify.
Me: If I call that number will that speed the process.
Cable: No
Me: is there anything I can do to escalate the process and get the install done tomorrow (Day 5)
Cable: No
Me: OK… I have no choice then.
Cable: No
2 Hours later
Cable: (From USA) Hello and this is a recorded line to provide you with superior service…
Me: What now?
Cable: Good news we are scheduling your installation for tomorrow.
Me: Wow!
Cable: Yes as scheduled.
Me: Are you sure (recounts horror story so far).
Cable: No I have you scheduled for tomorrow they will be there from 0800-1200. Can you confirm you will be there?
Me: Yes.
Cable: Then it is confirmed.
Me: Is there anything else I have to do?
Cable: No you are all set.
Me: (Grateful but skeptical) Thanks goodbye.
Next morning (1 hour before install is due)
Cable: via text. Confirm that you will be there.
Me: Huh? I already confirmed so I should not have to do anything
1 hour later
Cable: via text. Confirm that you will be there.
Me: via text: Confirm
4 hour pass – crickets
8 Hours pass – crickets
Me; Hello Cable Co? Did you forget me?
Cable: Hello this is Freda (from the Philippines) This is a recorded line for superior customer service.
Me: Why no installer showed up?
Cable: I am terribly sorry but our process says we cannot install without the verification which we only got from you yesterday.
Me: You are fecking kidding me…
Cable: No – but I can now schedule you for 5 days from now.
Me: So your screw up means I have to wait??? Please escalate
Cable: Let me see what I can do… can you hold please for 2 mins. And how is the weather is Western Washington today?
Me: let’s just deal with the problem of Cable co and get this resolved
7 mins pass
Freda: yes I can get you scheduled 5 days from today. Can I do that?
Me: Do I have a choice?
Freda: I am so happy to help you. I can confirm this is now scheduled. Have I resolved everything for you?
Me: No
Freda: But we have agreed everything
Me: I still don't have service.
Freda: OK is that all?
Me: Let’s run through your notes describing all the things that Cable co has failed to do.
Freda (nervous and sheepish) recites all the problems
Me: Good please escalate this and then we can discuss whether I proceed or not. I can cancel before 30 days without any penalty or charge.
Freda: Yes Mr Timothy. Thank you for letting me resolve this for you… er… I mean help you.
Me: I think we are done here. Please confirm again I have nothing to do before next week 0800-1200?
Freda: yes I confirm. And thank you for calling Cablesux.com
2 mins pass
Cable: Automated text. Your rescheduled call is not Tuesday 0800-1200
Me: Now ask me if I believe you!!!!
But fret no more...
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